Somewhat of an update

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Maybe, there's not a lot going on, or maybe I just don't feel like sharing it or maybe, I'm just too lazy to write it all out... choose your verdict or create your own. :)

Currently, I am sitting by our kitchen on the bar stools, waiting for the wax to dry on my Blazer. The day has been spent doing many odd jobs around the house from cleaning to fixing to relaxing to waxing. It has been a nice day of tasks to accomplish.

By the way, for those of you who didn't make it to the presentation, it went pretty good. I got a lot of good feedback from people, so that is good. Afterward, I watched my dad's recording of it, and I was kind of bored watching the first part... what does that mean when I am bored watching my own presentation? Anyway, it went well and people seemed to enjoy it.

Thanksgiving... honestly... right now, I have many thoughts, but I need to get some wax off the Blazer. Stay tuned!

A Presentation

For those of you who are still reading, and who care and who can make it, I will be doing a presentation on my trip at 8:15ish P.M. in 1st CRC, Edgerton, MN. There will be pictures and stories and quite a bit of time for questions. Come and listen and think of questions!

Tim

Sunset, fear and faith

Today, it was cold. We worked in the snow and when we were driving home, the thermometer showed 24 degrees. It was a good day.
One wonderful thing about this time of year, is, as I have mentioned before, the ability to see the sun come up and the sun go down. Today, I was standing on the roof of a house watching the sun make it's last push to the horizon. The flames burned the sky, scorching clouds in reds and oranges. After cleaning up our tools and piling in the pickup, the drive home came. The sun, still in it's course below the horizon, continued to put on a show causing windmills and farmhouses to be silhouetted against it's dying brilliance. As I sat there, with the hum of the tires, the blowing warm air and the sound of country music in the background, I wondered how beauty like this could be orchestrated every day and yet not be the same as previous days. How could people believe it happens by accident? How could a world so steeped in brokenness, pain and destruction continually create breath-taking scenes? In my 3 months on the road this summer, I never stopped contemplating this point. Just in our small section of the world, there is unbelievable beauty, even in snow flakes gathering in the frozen mud of a farmplace.

Fear and Faith. This is another of many questions floating through the matter in my brain. I have heard many opinions about fear and faith and how the two fit together. My own opinions can only be based upon what I read in the Bible and what I have experienced in my own life. Some people will say that if you fear, then you have no faith, or at least, very little. I don't agree.

In the instances where God has asked me to do something, there is usually fear. This usually occurs because God asks me to do things outside my comfort zone and naturally, that produces fear in me. The times I obey, I feel like I was in the right, fear or not. To me, fear is something that makes me rely on God that much more because some of the things he has called me to do, there is no way I could have or would have ever done them. In this way, I know that it is only through God that I did those things. Otherwise, I could have made an argument that it was through MY will or MY power that I did them, but because of my fear, I know it was not I, but HIM.

Did David fear when he saw Goliath? Did Moses fear when he first stood before Pharoah? Did Elijah fear when he challenged the prophets of Baal on Mt. Caramel? Did Peter fear when imprisoned? Did Paul fear when he was being stoned?

I can't say for sure, but I know that they were all human, as we all are. Humans have fear and I believe it is something that drives us and makes us more reliant on God. We cannot deny something that is part of our makup as human beings. I will say this, as Christians, fear cannot be something that rules our lives, but it should be a motivator, a driving force to call on God, because when we do that, miracles happen, God works.

I get a picture of "Batman Begins." In the movie, Bruce Wayne is afraid of bats and there is a scene in the movie where he embraces that fear and chooses to push it on his enemies. He is in the soon to be "bat cave," and scares the bats with a light. The start fluttering and squealing and he falls to the ground in fear. But, he falls on what he has learned about himself and slowly begins to stand up in defiance and in absorbing his own fear. It is something he recognizes, acknowledges, and uses as a driving force to battle evil.

Maybe as James says "I'll show you my faith by what I do," I should say, "I'll show you my faith through my fear." Maybe that doesn't make sense. Heresy? Ah, there need to be a few heretics to liven things up... right?

Dreams

I couldn't find a good picture for this post. I'm sorry.

Every night, I dream. Actually, I can't remember the last night I haven't had a dream. It's kind of weird and I don't really get it, but that's the way it is.

Last night, I had one of those dreams that was so real, I woke up wondering if it actually happened. Now, a full day after having the dream, it's impressions on me have dulled and I don't remember as much, but i remember the basics and some of the thoughts I had.

In this dream, I was partaking in some illegal activity that no one else knew about. I don't know exactly what I was doing. Towards the end of the dream, the cops found out as well as everyone I knew and I was so ashamed of what I had done. They came to a building that I was in and I tried to hide, but eventually had to turn myself over to them. I remember seeing faces and feeling the disappointment of the people around me. It was heart wrenching! Right before I woke up, I sat awaiting the verdict of what was to happen.

Then, I woke up with two thoughts planted in my head. The first thought held the truth of God, my Father, knowing and perceiving every hateful, perverse, non-God honoring thought and action, whether it was private or public. He knows everything that goes on and some day, I will have to stand before his throne and give account for all of those.

The second thought planted was that of the punishment. It was almost a vision of me standing before Christ and him looking into my eyes with an unblinking gaze filled with strain and yet deep affection. No words came, but just a knowledge of what he accomplished.

After waking up and letting these "thoughts" soak in, I fell to my knees in humility of my "badness" and yet in praise of ... well, my King and his gift.

It's my life...

Greetings all!
Winter is here. Last week, the weather was crazy, as many of you know, since you live here. Monday and Tuesday, we were working outside in short sleeve t-shirts. Well, by Thursday night, snow began to fly and Friday was a day of wet sloppy snow causing ice to form on the roads. As of right now, it is in the teens and snow covers the ground. Oh, fall.

This weekend, I went down to Dordt to visit a bunch of people. It was a great time hanging out and talking with people. Pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday were spent walking around and socializing. Sunday, I went to the church I went to my whole time at Dordt and it was awesome to be back there. Honestly, being there really made me miss it a lot. I miss the people, the college atmosphere, the schedule, the ministry... pretty much, the college life in general. It was something I knew I missed a lot, but I kind of forgot about... you know how time dulls your mind to the way things were.

Now that I'm home, that transition is setting in a little more. For most of my memorable life, it has been a cycle of school, summer, school, summer. Now, that cycle is broken and a new phase of the journey kicks in and I'm trying to figure out exactly what that path looks like. How do I continue to minister in Edgerton? How do I fit flying in with my schedule and where exactly will that lead? At this point, many questions continue to fly and I guess, there are answers somewhere down the path.

Decisions...

Decisions, Decisions...
Quite often, it seems like the picture above is so true. I know I almost always feel like I made the wrong decision whether it deals with construction or friends or life in general. Yet, decisions have to be made and the consequences, good or bad, must be lived with.

I have a few decisions to make in the near future. Currently, I am doing carpentry full time and I am hoping to start taking flying lessons in a couple of weeks to a month. The main decisions coming up step from how I want to be, or feel called to be, involved in this community. I have been approached by my high school to apply to coach the freshman basketball team. I think it would be a lot of fun working with high school students and being involved in that way, yet practice would be right in the middle of my afternoon of carpentry. I need work, to pay for my flying lessons. I also want to get involved in my home church and minister there. So, it seems like I need to make a decision about how much I can juggle and still be able to take flying lessons, which is one of my top priorities.

A week from Monday is when I need to let the school know whether I will coach or not. I am torn because I think it would be sweet and a great opportunity to minister, even though I'm not sure how good of a coach I would make. Yet, it is at a really bad time for work and flying lessons, which I was also hoping to do during the week.

That is one of the big decisions in my mind right now: how to manage my time and where do I feel called to minister?

Any suggestions? Thoughts? Observations?

In other news, the insurance company totaled out my motorcycle, but I bought it back and we settled on a price, so I got a good sized check yesterday. Fix up to follow.

Friday, I went to the prison to hang out with the inmates. Man did I miss that. Anyone want to come along in the future?

The weekend held warm temps, motorcycle rides, a little work and some ups and downs, joys and frustrations in church. Again, there is something here that just bugs me, but I can't put my finger on it.

Anyway, I have to pray and get to bed. Work comes tomorrow morning. May God continue to bless you all!

Tim